DR.TELLURIUM PRIVATE ARMY
Do you have CASH but lack FREEDOM? Fed up with WARLORDS? Hire the foremost PRIVATE MILITARY COMPANY in the SOLAR SYSTEM! No more “DEATH TO DICTATORS”, with ARMY OF GOLD YOU will be the DICTATOR!!
DISCLAIMER: ARMY OF GOLD WILL NOT COMMENCE OPERATIONS IN ANY SETTLEMENT CONTAINING A CHURCH OF DEALS OR ON DEALS-DAY.
BONUS DEAL: DR.TELLURIUM PRIVATE AIR FORCE 50% OFF
DR.TELLURIUM AVIATION SOLUTIONS presents special offer: Sortie rates have been DECIMATED FIVE-TIMES. Annihilate foreign-backed militias and defeat COMMUNISM while saving BIG!! Even more: The Precision-guidance munition surcharge has been SUSPENDED!! Save on force-multipliers with DR.TELLURIUM!
CONDITIONAL OFFER: FREE NEO-SPIDER EXTERMINATION SERVICE FOR DR.TELLURIUM AVIATION SOLUTIONS DR.SILVER-GRADE AND ABOVE MEMBERS. THE AEROSOL DRONES ARE READY THEY JUST NEED YOUR CASH!!
DR.TELLURIUM MANHOOD MULTIPLIER
tired of SPAM emails about ENHANCING your MEMBER? HOW ABOUT DOUBLING IT!!? No more ARMS-RACES with the guys at OFFICE! Impress the LADIES with QUANTITY not QUALITY!!
DR.TELLURIUM TELLURIUM-SPACE ELEVATOR: NOW OPERATIONAL
COMMUNICATION SATELLITES. SURVEILLANCE SATELLITES. LAW ENFORCEMENT SATELLITES. MISSILE DEFENSE SATELLITES . SEND THEM ALL INTO SPACE FOR HALF THE PRICE OF CONVENTIONAL ROCKETS. EXPERTS ARE ALREADY CALLING THIS THE “DEAL OF DEALS”! SEND CASH TO DR.TELLURIUM NOW!!!
DR.TELLURIUM GENE THERAPY
Escape the shackles of your HUMANITY! Reach new heights and abilities! Become the BIO-WARRIOR you’ve always dreamed of!! Add weapons to your skeleton! Grow a laser-gland! Harness the power of imaginary numbers! COMES WITH FREE NANO-MACHINES: NO MORE HAVING TO BREATHE EVERY MINUTE!!
DR.TELLURIUM BOOK CLUB
Need something to read while the WarmSummer-sun is up? Get lucky with DR.TELLURIUM! DR.TELLURIUM BOOK CLUB now supports WaveCorp brain-implants! Have all the classics uploaded to your DIGITAL MEMORY!! RARE OFFER: SIGN UP THIS WEEK FOR A CASHLESS STARTER PACK. OVER FOUR BOOKS INCLUDED!
TITLES INCLUDE:
- “Terror in Four Parts: How Dr.Thaddeus Bronson Developed Quadology and Divided the World” – Tad Moore (2068)
- “Sports Decade: Wrestling Explosion!” – Oh! That’s a Baseball! (2039)
- “An Unhappy Gilmore: Uncovering the Damage Done by The Sandlercast” – Richard Jacques II (2046)
- “Obama’s Secret Castle” – Unknown Author (2022)
- The Gospel of Dr.Platinum (2071)
- “Catcher In the Rye” – J.D Salinger (1951)
AND MANY MORE