Scraugglin’ Accross America with Pete Offalburger: A Travelogue

Hi, I’m Pete Offalburger. For years, you’ve put your eyes to the ole’ television cuber to watch my shows including “Yes, I will eat it”” “Yes, I will eat it 2: Is it a sandwich?” and “Yes, I will eat it 3: This is where I die, right here, with all America watching, oh Lord, oh Lord, I’m coming home.” Don’t let the last title fool you: if the ratings were any indication, only a small portion of America watched.

After that last special, my doctor told me I need to get out more often. “Just go. Get out of here. I never want to see you again,” she said (my doctor is also my ex-wife, business before pleasure, you know what I’m talking about, right boys? up top). So I’m scraugglin’ my way across the country, doing what I do best: devouring enough food to concern local public health authorities.

I’ll be hitting every state in this great country of ours, finding out where’s the best place to throw back a couple of cold ones, ingest a bunch of thick ones and then outgest a family of brown ones. That’s right, I’m on the internet now baby, so I can word talk any type of kinds I want, and no government can say to me “whoa, slow down there before you teach the kiddies rude phrases like ‘the dry martini shits'”.

Get ready to see a whole new side of Pete Offalburger, and a whole new bride to his stomach, the food of America. And maybe Canada too. I hear their new prime minister is 10 pounds of poutine in a 10 kilogram bag.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.