(For the uninitiated: https://zestyaroma.com/?p=151)
“What am I doing?”
I had asked myself that question three times already that day and was looking to make it three more. I found myself skimming through pages and pages of fan characters from Sonic the Hedgehog hoping to land on one that was workable enough to enter into the RP group that I was hoping to infiltrate. Not until I had actually found one and submitted it, with a substantial amount of editing, did I realize that it would have been easier, and less time consuming, to just write the entire thing myself.
I once again asked the titular question, but this time, no longer being able to rush it out of my mind on account of having a search to complete, I had to actually contemplate what I was up to. I had decided to go undercover in a Sonic RP group and write about it for what would, most likely, end up being a small group of people. That was what I was doing but I couldn’t answer the why. It didn’t matter anyway, I was committed to this and I wasn’t going to back out, at least not yet.
After submitting my character to the group’s website I decided to look around the place. The site actually looked fairly normal and they seemed quite strict about what they allowed you to do with characters. This was what made me choose this group for my incursion. The other places I had visited either had a slew of characters that seemed to have the power of 15 burning suns or a site that looked like it was created using software from Windows 95. This place, on the other hand, seemed much more normal by comparison, and therefore, more interesting in my mind. When everything else you’re looking at is insane and ridiculous then the one thing you find that is stable and peaceful becomes the most interesting because it stands out, as odd as that may seem. Something wasn’t right though, this place was almost too normal there had to be a catch, and a catch there was. The group all got together on an IRC chat.
For the uninitiated an IRC (Internet Relay Chat) is a chat that requires you to use a specific client in order to join in and it functions like a normal chat. The problem lies in the fact that IRCs have been almost completely pointless to use since about 2006. They are the internet chatroom equivalent of using a musket when going to war.
Regardless, I have already committed to this site so I decide to dive head first and I make my way into the chat. It doesn’t seem very active at first, there are about 8 other people hanging around the chat, none of them talking.
Eventually, after close to 15 minutes, one of them welcomes me to the chat. Her name is Lilly Carter and she mentions that she is one of the moderators. We talk for a bit and soon another moderator joins in, this one is Jim Morrison. He mentions to me that the chat is fairly quiet during the day but livens up during the nighttime. Lilly mentions that they will take a look at my character when they get the chance and then things quiet back down.
As I look at the members list on the side of the chat, I notice one name at the very top, with a full star next to it, which leads me to believe he is the admin, his name is Ziggy Stardust, and he is currently away. I think nothing of it and continue waiting for things to “liven up.”
The place seems to jolt to life with the arrival of Ramona Flowers. Everyone seems to come out of hiding to say hello. Her entrance to the chat being heralded like a conquering hero returning with the head of the beast they swore to slay. It quickly becomes clear to me why she is so popular. Ramona is an extrovert in a swarm of introverts. She inspires everybody to speak up and seems to act as the switch that turns the chat off and on.
I’m so busy talking with her and the rest of the, suddenly active, chat that I don’t notice Ziggy Stardust remove his away status, until he speaks. He welcomes me to the chat. His welcome is the only one I’ve received so far that seems hollow and vacant, as if it had been printed out of a machine and read to me by a bad actor. Regardless, he seems nice enough, if a little leery of me. He informs me of some of the ongoing plot of the group and also tells me that the site is out of date and not a good source of information.
Having met their enigmatic leader, I sign off for the night.
The next few days seem to follow a similar pattern of the chat being active in the night. I even get to witness some of the role-play, or “scenes” as they refer to them, and I am a little shocked at how well written most of it is. These people seem to actually be telling stories with characters, those characters do things that have consequences, and those actions aren’t random and nonsensical. This was definitely not what I was expecting, but it has me curious.
Eventually, I log in one day to be informed that my character has been approved. It seems as if that was also code for me to be treated as an actual member, soon the others actually begin to acknowledge my contributions to conversations. I even get a couple “laughs” from some of them, never has an “lol” felt so fulfilling. I even get offered a scene with one of Jim Morrison’s characters.
I take it, because it would be rude not to, this is my first scene after all, can’t be picky. It ends up being a fairly standard RP, nothing groundbreaking, but I realize in the middle of it, that I am actually having fun. This wasn’t just part of some arbitrary writing assignment I had given myself. I was doing this because I was enjoying it.
The question is no longer “What am I doing?” but “What is this doing to me?” I’m not sure I want to know the answer.