Post Request:

“The Earth is flat. Explain.”

I get this one a lot. Most people live in denial about our flat Earth, choosing to instead believe that we have some sort of spheroid Earth. Little do they know, this is all a Big Government conspiracy to trick us into believing this. I’ll be detailing just exactly how and why this lie has been spread.

Exploring the Lies

Satellite Evidence?

Nonsense!

The Government has been spreading disgusting lies about “satellites” to get us to believe in the “Round Earth” theory.  They claim that they’ve managed to shoot robots up into space that can take pictures of the Earth’s surface.

What they don’t tell you is this: every single satellite image has been digitally created! That’s right, Government shill scientists (shillentists) have spent countless hours digitally creating every inch of the Earth’s surface using Adobe Photoshop CS4. Video footage taken by satellites has been meticulously created frame by frame by experts. Don’t believe me? Just look at the proof!

People will also cite things like satellite TV and internet and GPS. You know what I say to that? “No! Fake!” GPS just has people atop cell towers  all around the world peering at you with binoculars to estimate your location and inputting it into a ground-based computer. I’ve seen one of them myself. Satellite TV installs those dishes just for looks – it’s just regular Internet with invisible wires!

Traveling Around the World?

Silly!

It’s never been done. Pilots, sailors, and their ilk are all shills paid by The Government to lie about being able to loop around the world. Ever wonder why sailors and pilots are so unbelievably rich? The Government is lining their pockets! In reality, God himself waits at the edge of the world to reprimand anyone who attempts to cross over the threshold. These cowardly so-called navigators haven’t the courage to gaze at the face of God. That’s not to say I have – I’m just busy doing stuff here on dry land to check. I’m no hypocrite.

Mythical, almost religious tales about ancient seafaring explorers reaching opposite ends of the Earth have been propagated by The Government for centuries – all to mislead the general public.

But why?

It’s simple. One word: sports. The Government wants to keep the people pacified and meek. What better way than to use sports? Notice something in common between the so called “Round Earth” and sports? That’s right. Balls.

By tying the shape of the world to the general shape of balls, The Government hatched a mind control scheme to keep the population enticed by sporting events. Ever watch a Sports Game?  Played a sport? You’ve been feeding into Government propaganda that plunges you deeper into delusion.  This association makes sports seem like a bigger deal than they are. After all, what’s a bigger deal than fighting over the entire planet?

The only solution is to play the one true sport: Ultimate Frisbee. Stay woke, my friends.