SWANSON: Howdy there, boys. This is Swanson, your Flight Wing Supercommander.
KIO: Swanson, why do you get to be the Supercommander?
SWANSON: Kio, last time you were Supercommander, everyone Superdied.
KIO: Well I’m Supersorry, okay?
STAIRMASTER: Heyit’smeStairmaster, your Flight Suppercommander!
KIO: Good, I’m Superhungry.
SWANSON: There’ll be plenty of time for stuffing our fat faces after we complete today’s training mission. I believe Commodore Srol will be briefing us today.
KIO: They probably should have briefed us before we got in the planes.
STAIRMASTER: Yeah, it’s not very fuel-efficient.
SWANSON: Yeah, that’s why I was running after you guys telling you not to get in your planes.
KIO: Well you should have said something.
SWANSON: I said, “Hey, stop getting in your planes!”
SROL: Hey, this is your pal, Commodore Srol-xtyfour, just letting you guys know you’re in big trouble.
STAIRMASTER: Oh jeez!
SROL: But don’t think too much about the Superdungeon right now. I need you guys to be focused on the current training mission where you have to destroy the targets.
KIO: What are the targets?
SROL: The targets are inhibition and low self-esteem. Just blow ‘em up!
STAIRMASTER: I think I might have accidentally done that already.
SWANSON: Got it, Commodore. So the targets should be on the radar.
STAIRMASTER: I can’t see my radar.
SWANSON: Well you shouldn’t have spilled coffee on it.
STAIRMASTER: I don’t even drink coffee. I can’t remember what I was going to do with it.
KIO: I dared you to spill coffee on your radar, remember?
STAIRMASTER: Oh yeah.
SWANSON: All right, the targets aren’t even moving, so it should be easy enough to hit them with a missile strike.
STAIRMASTER: I gotta’ remember to wait until the locking-on thing turns red. I wasted all my missiles last time.
KIO: You had 200 missiles, why didn’t you just stop shooting missiles?
STAIRMASTER: I don’t know.
KIO: There was only one target.
STAIRMASTER: I don’t know!
KIO: Not a very big one.
STAIRMASTER: I’m sorry.
SWANSON: Hey, I see some fast-moving targets coming in. Commodore Srol, do you know anything about that?
SROL: I know about a lot of things.
SWANSON: … Okay?
SROL: But not about those fast-movers.
BOX: How foolish to think you could get out of these training grounds without defeating me, Archduke Connor!
STAIRMASTER: Oh jeez!
SWANSON: Shit, it’s our nemesis, Connor, Archduke of Lamesville.
BOX: It’s Lamestown, insolent worm!
KIO: And he’s got like 20 other guys with him! That’s not fair.
STAIRMASTER: We can take ‘em! Kio, you first.
KIO: I can’t even dogfight one guy.
STAIRMASTER: What about that time you said where you took down 100 planes at once?
KIO: Except that time. I was in the zone for sure.
BOX: Prepare to suffer your defeat at my hands, and also the hands of these 20 other guys!
KIO: Oh I’m ready!
STAIRMASTER: Soup’s on, motherfuckers!
BOX: … Huh?
SWANSON: Oh sorry, yeah, he’s the Flight Suppercommander.
BOX: Good, because I hunger … For your destruction!
KIO: Ow, that’s a good one. He got you, Stair.
STAIRMASTER: Only Stairmaster can destroy Stairmaster.
SWANSON: That and Monopoly.
STAIRMASTER: I’m not good with money.
— LATER —
BOX: I can’t believe me and my whole squadron were taken out by three fools such as you!
SWANSON: There’s a reason our Commodore calls us the three greatest fools he’s ever seen.
SROL: It’s true!
BOX: I’ll defeat you next time, and with a much sillier voice!
SWANSON: (Scottish?) Oi yew jus’ go an’ try it, friend!
KIO: (German) Ja, you vill never get ze one up on us!
STAIRMASTER: (rustyspoons) You will fear our mighty power…!
SROL: Bonjour, sacrebleu!
KIO: (Borat) Hello, I am-a Kio! Very nice!
SWANSON: Okay, that’s enough of that.