Post Request

“Friends for eternity loyalty honesty we’ll stick together through thick or thin”

Today, one our first Request a Post, we’re going to delve into friendship, among other so-called “virtues” and appraising their worth.

Loyalty. Honesty. Sticking together. Let’s get started.

Friendship

Friendship is pretty great. I’m going to list some of the many uses of friends.

• Hanging out and “kicking it”
• Sharing a good laugh
• Mooching off of
• Borrowing stuff
• Stealing stuff
• Getting favors
• Threatening
• Making fun of
• Wearing their clothes and pretending to be them
• Learning everything about them and literally becoming them after murdering them

10 / 10

Loyalty

Loyalty is staying with those who you align yourself with and not turning on them. This is something I very seldom do. There is nothing more exhilarating than turning on somebody who trusts you at the perfect moment.

When you betray somebody, make sure you do so when they need you most and when you can profit from it most. If you can, try to be the last person they think they can rely on. They’ll turn to you and say “Well, at least I’ve still got you.” You can then smile, shake your head, and walk away. It’s fun.

Loyalty, though, can be a great tool. If you can get people to be loyal to you, even though you’re not even good to them, then you can really profit off of it. However, it’s clear that loyalty is only for suckers.

Loyalty gets a

2 / 10

Honesty

There’s always this talk about honesty being a good thing. That’s dumb & stupid.

Lying is how you get ahead. I lied about what I wanted when I went to Burger King and got an order that I hated. “Is your order correct on the screen?” they asked. I lied and replied “Yes.” Threw it right in the trash after I got it. My diet thanked me.

Lying is how you get a job. Lie about your qualifications and get a great job. That’s how I became a nuclear physicist. Had the job for an entire year before they figured out that I didn’t know how to do it.

Lying is how you impress people when they read your articles. “Wow! He fooled them! Got paid for an entire year of nuclear physicist work just by lying!”

So, yeah, honesty is stupid.

0 / 10

Sticking together

This is just loyalty!!! But with vaguely gross sounding terminology! Loyalty is dumb and so is gluing yourself to other people.

0 / 10

Thick or thin

Why even bother the thin part? Obviously if you stick together through thick then thin is fine. Or is the thin the bad part and thick the good part? This saying is stupid.

0 / 10

Overall Score:

3 / 10

“Stupid Garbage”